with your own penis?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
