Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
