i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
