i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
