this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She's the barista slut.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
