they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
