my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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