it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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