I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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