She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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