what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
