SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
did i just pee glitter
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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