U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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