Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
