Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
COCAINE IS GR8
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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