Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
