I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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