Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
