dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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