I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
