Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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