the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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