Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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