those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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