Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
