Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
