Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize