he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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