WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
