I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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