Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I didn't notice because vodka
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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