Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
