since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
