just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
