He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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