me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
