Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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