Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
