youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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