hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Randomize