are you so shy because you have an std?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
