Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
