So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
