Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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