Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
