this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize