i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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