Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
