How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Shame - the story of my life.
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