Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
