When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
