good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
