yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
