I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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