I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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