Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
