To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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