I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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