i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
