Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
