This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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