the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
