Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my shit smells like andre
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
