i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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